Tag Archives: #DOMA

Roller-Coastered Out! [Status Update]

rollercoasterlargesuckedinIt’s just like being at the carnival. You know…when you want to go on another ride, but of course, the tickets required for it are not what is left in your hand.  You say to yourself, “do I really want to buy another ticket book just to go on that ride?”, or do you just skip the ride you want to take (and throw away what is left of what you’ve bought). Most people we know, would give the extra tickets to someone who is just arriving at the carnival, so others can hopefully gain more from what they otherwise, would  throw away.

I have said previously, I should have never used  the “roller-coaster” analogy in our site description. Rather than try and explain our latest “you’ve got to be kidding me?!” update, we thought, “let’s share it in a time frame what the past 48+ hours have been like.”

For privacy, legal, and other reasons: short, not specific on who or how, but enough to get an idea.

We’ll begin with that first, high climb a roller-coaster makes…once the ride operator decides to release the bar.

Tuesday, 17 September
6:30 PM: Meet the Pet Shop Boys in city before their show!! (We will make post another day with photos and why was special and ironic for us). Lawyer call just before show, but will not ruin the positive those details.

Wednesday 18 September: 
1PM: Appt. to file Mandamus action in  District Court to force USCIS to transfer our case to Hartford Office; [Legal Docs Link]
– Prepare and sign application to USCIS to allow Sam to travel;
– Informed of USCIS policy all re-opened cases must have interview, etc. before one year expiration of medical exam (Sam’s done 26 October 2012).
5:00 PM : Arrive at house.
6:30 PM Gary starts work for school and work on video for web client.
8:00 PM: Email & Text- Urgent document needed by different attorney.
10:00 PM: Sign, scan and send document.

Thursday 19 September
1:30 AM: Email and text message received regarding document sent. Never return to bed.
4:00 AM: Apparent will be unable to go into work.
7:30 AM: Contact family in UK for a document needed.
11:15 AM Receive document from family in UK.
2:30 PM: Receive news regarding case!!! Two aspects approved!!!! (spousal and residency) AND are being prepared to transfer to Hartford Office !!!!! 🙂
– However….Employment Authorization application missing Sam’s photo 🙁 (USCIS should have taken on 6 Feb when there for Biometric appointment).
– New appointment scheduled for 11 October for Photo to be taken in Port Chester.
– Expedited processing in Hartford requested for Interview!!
4:00 PM: Receive news interview will be scheduled around 2nd/3rd October!!!!!!  🙂
4:01PM: Realization new appointment at USCIS for photo is post possible interview date. More so, that 11 October date there is NO way all will get processed in 8 days before medical Exam expiration!  🙁
4:15PM: Request made for earlier appointment date at Port Chester
4:45 PM: Request made for earlier date appointment at different location

Friday 20 September:
9:00 AM I request USCIS make exception to Sept 30th 1 year of Medical exam rule and accommodate us immediately on photo processing since their error (4th error- nothing should have ever been denied going back to first application)
3:30 PM Ran into friend on way home from work. Was Informed by him when USCIS made similar error on his Employment Application (missing photo) USCIS told him to just come in as soon as he could to have it taken, since it was their fault and he had proof of visit (We have same proof of visit).
4:30 PM I vent about frustrations of hearing information about USCIS telling friend to come in ASAP for his missing photo, to two VERY incredible, supportive, and hard-working individuals, who have gone above and beyond for Sam and myself (One who is not obligated to help at all, but has done more than we can ever thank him for!)
5:30 PM Lay down on new lounge chair on deck, purchased in April, for 10 minutes. I never used once all summer; Sam only used once in July. I can now say I actually “relaxed” on the deck, on lounge chair, over the summer (got in just in time since we are down to only hours of summer left 🙂
6:00 PM Begin wait until Monday for latest twist, turn, loop, of roller-coaster ride!

So what does that all mean? We are either within weeks of being able to start our lives together, or many months away from it; starting aspects again from the start ….all because one person at USCIS forgot to take Sam’s photo And, as has been the case, to no legal fault of ours for almost 4 years now, or our attorney’s (current, don’t forget fraud atty. years)…just USCIS not following the laws they should have (from November 2012 on).  We follow law; others who should, don’t or held accountable. And again, also, as has been the case and said to us many times, “you can’t make this S*#t up!  🙂

We continue, as always, hope that the ride operator decides to engage the ride’s brakes sooner than later  🙂
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Thank You For (New Perspectives Part 1)

“Y’know, it seems to me that you already possess the faculties to comport yourself – safe and sound – through the maze of personalities and issues you’ve taken on. My best advice is simple, and no doubt you already know it; have confidence in your convictions. Speak truth, and when someone in power is trying to use you, speak truth to their power.”

Those words were said to me in April, in response to one email, I sent to someone to whom I was a complete stranger, asking for help and advice. I needed some guidance on how best to handle the situation and the fight we were in with regard to Gay Rights group’s agendas, politicians, lawyers, etc. I never had any previous communication with her, but I knew, she would have the best advice. When DOMA was struck down on the 26th of June, we waited…and waited…and waited…and my anger (and Sam’s) started to build. I strayed from the dignity and composure of handling our situation; and rightly so, as we never should have been denied on our first application. We had been used by individuals, lied to and asked to lie for, and taken advantage of with emotional manipulations by others. Knowing people previously denied like US were receiving their benefits, people have received green cards, how could I not start to become angry? Sam has not even received the simplest thing we need: his social security number. Months have gone by, and we are still “living in limbo” and have only received news of regress, not progress. So just last weekend, after receiving news of yet further regress, I had said to myself, that the week ahead would be one where I was going to try all I could, one last time. I would try to reach out to any media, our Atty. filed a letter to USCIS, and we will submit the travel application for Sam. This way, I could honestly say, I did all I possibly could to myself, Sam, and most of all, Sam’s family. I did not end the last school year the way I thought it would, and being the first week with students, I never imagined it would start off worse than it ended (having to resign as Art Club advisor, for example, really hurt myself, and I have seen the hurt in my student’s eyes when I told them).  I had lost my strength and composure to fight over the past 11 months; we did not have a summer “off”.

Myself, Alice Hoaglund, Sam, and our "Best Man" Rick Clark, at the NYC premiere of "The Rugby Player" at Lincoln Center on Wednesday, September 11, 2013.

Myself, Alice Hoaglund, Sam, and our “Best Man” Rick Clark, at the NYC premiere of “The Rugby Player” at Lincoln Center on Wednesday, September 11, 2013.

I knew one day myself and Sam would meet Alice Hoaglund in person to be able to say “Thank You.” This past week, we had the honor and pleasure to meet, and I was finally able to say those words to her. The circumstances of our meeting this past week were far from what I ever imagined: when, where, and on what date. Sam and I had both previously seen the incredible film, The Ruby Player, about Alice’s son, Mark Bingham. I do not think I need to say anything more on how seeing the film, seated behind Alice, with our best man Rick (who appears in the film), my sisters seated beside us, affected us. Before we left Alice asked me, “did they?”, “A few did, yes, but two politicians helped more than I thought”, I replied. And she put both her hands on my shoulders and looked  me straight in the eye and said “I’m sure you handled it well. We need to keep in touch.” The circumstances of our meeting: pure perspective.

I re-read the entire email  Alice had sent me yesterday for the first time since I received it so many months ago. I had handled it well; not sure I have lately. But, as in April, the words she spoke to me then, have helped me to regain my strength for what lies ahead, more than I or Sam, can ever say.

THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN , ALICE!
(and having now met you in person, while we “knew”, we can confirm…your son was right.)

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For information on The Rugby Player film (when and where you may see it or to pre-order a DVD) please visit the film’s website, Facebook Page, or follow on Twitter. You will be supporting Alice, the memory of Mark, Independent fim-makers (such as the incredible director, producers, editor and contributors of this film) and the LGBT community.